Dreaming of Food...

So this morning I woke up realizing I had a very intense dream involving food.  For some reason, in my dream, I was in a kitchen that was full of homemade candy, cookies, and other delicious goodies.  (Many of them were the things my best friend's mother makes around Christmas, like homemade toffee, mmm!)  I was going around the room taking bits of this and that.  My plate was full.  The whole time I was my thoughts were cycling between, "I'm getting out of control again.  I need to be writing this down.  This is going to get me way out of my points range." and "Oh, it's okay.  I'll write it down later.  I'll remember how much I ate.  I am just getting a little taste of everything, so it's not bad."  At one point my mother confronted me, and I told her that on Weight Watchers you can eat what you want, as long as you stay within your points range.  By told her, I mean I yelled at her.

So, I've been thinking about this dream a lot today.  In grad school I took a class that covered addition issues.  During the class we talked about dreams people recovering from addiction have.  They are vivid dreams of using, so vivid they feel the substance taking control of their bodies.  Often the person wakes up terrified that they did use, losing their sobriety, and now facing the consequences of relapse.   That is similar to how I felt this morning.  While thinking about this dream, I realized I had it for a reason.  I was getting a little out of control this weekend.  I was tracking hours or even a day after I had eaten something.  I was not holding myself accountable.  I allowed myself to engage in frenzied eating.

Today, I decided to change that behavior.  I wrote everything down that I knew I would eat today (breakfast and lunch) and counted the points.  Tonight I am eating dinner out with a friend.  She suggested three different restaurants.  I chose the one whose nutritional information was easy to access and had healthy options.  I decided on what I wanted, and it is already written down.  Only I have control over me.  I am choosing to keep that control rather than giving it away to food.